


Just not good enough

by kihyxns



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Changkyun-centric, Cuddling, Fluff, M/M, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, implied anorexia, one mention of Hoseok right at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 07:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6364678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihyxns/pseuds/kihyxns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Changkyun thinks he's just not good enough and Kihyun wants to change that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just not good enough

**Author's Note:**

> If you get triggered by:  
> self deprecating comments  
> implied anorexia
> 
> then please do not read this. stay safe lovelies :)

It's late. His body aches with lack of sleep and his mind is a mess of self deprecating comments and slow burning insults. His limbs move to the beat, his body drowning in the erratic dance music. 

His hair sticks to his forehead as he was drenched in sweat from the extra five hours of dance practice he'd put in that day. He almost cracks a smile as he sees the progress he's made. His muscles look more defined yet his face is sunken with sleep deprivation and his once full cheeks are now sharp and aggravated bones. 

The comments he shouts at himself when his body threatens to give up on him swirl dangerously around his mind. 

_'What's the point anymore? No one will ever love you,' ___

_'You'll never dance as well as Hyunwoo or Hoseok,' ___

_'You'll never sing as well as Kihyun or Minhyuk,' ___

_'You'll never rap as well as Jooheon or look as good as Hyungwon,' ___

_'You'll never be good enough, _'__

It makes him want to cry, yet it just fuels his desire to destroy himself even more. 

-

Kihyun sighs as he sees Changkyun's bunk empty for the hundredth time in a row. Hyunwoo asked him to see if everyone was asleep before he went to bed. His heart aches when he knows exactly where Changkyun is and exactly what he is doing. He tells Hyunwoo that's Changkyun is missing and he's going to find him. He shoves some shoes on, grabs a towel and a hoodie before almost running downstairs to the practice rooms. 

He walks into the practice room cautiously, his eyes already on an exhausted Changkyun. His hands only have to graze over the stop button for the music to cease. Changkyun immediately falls to the floor in complete and utter exhaustion, his chest heavily breathing so much that Kihyun could hear his breath crackling within his lungs. 

Kihyun's soft hands make contact with Changkyun's heaving shoulders, sitting himself down behind the boy as he does. Changkyun slowly turns around and takes the towel Kihyun is offering to him and wipes his arms and face down. 

"What's wrong?" Kihyun asks quietly before Changkyun can turn his attention to him fully. 

"Nothing, what do you mean?" Changkyun replies quickly. 

"It's been months since you've been home before two am, you haven't been eating properly either, we're all worried Changkyun," 

"I'm fine, I promise," 

"No you're really not," 

"I just.." Changkyun trails not wanting to admit to Kihyun how bad he really feels. 

"You just what?" Kihyun pushes. 

"I just feel terrible, everything has just piled up on me," Changkyun breaks into tears before he can finish. 

"I know, I know," Kihyun reassures him as he pulls Changkyun into hug. His shoulder soon is wet with tears as Changkyun small cries turn into loud ugly sobs. Kihyun rubs circles into his back, trying to calm him down. Kihyun is almost in tears when Changkyun subconsciously blurts out all the insults that have driven him to this mess, but he keeps it together for the time being as Changkyun is still sobbing his little heart out and Kihyun hates when he cries. 

Changkyun slips Kihyun's warm hoodie on and gets up after a long comforting session with Kihyun. He wipes his tears and puts on a brave face, his hands are engulfed within Kihyun's hoodie sleeves making him extra clingy. Hyunwoo walks into the practice room, his hair stuck up looking like he's tried to sleep but he hasn't been able to and just ended up shuffling around for a few hours. 

"Guys, it's three am, where have you been?" 

"Sorry hyung," Changkyun apologies as he hides his face with his hands. 

"Come on," Hyunwoo extends his arms and gathers Changkyun up within them. Kihyun flashes him a grateful smile as he carries a tired Changkyun back up the dorm. 

Changkyun is soon placed into his bunk and buries himself within the blankets. 

"What happened then?" Hyunwoo asks Kihyun as they leave Changkyun to sleep. Kihyun gives Hyunwoo a short explanation as he is itching to go to sleep. Hyunwoo merely says that they'll all have to sort it out in the morning before retiring to bed once again. 

Kihyun changes and falls into his small bunk. He is almost asleep as he hears small footsteps and the door opening. Changkyun is stood in the doorway, his jumper still on his body. Tears stain his cheeks as he looks to Kihyun. Kihyun opens up his blankets and Changkyun quickly jumps in. Changkyun is shaking slightly and Kihyun can't do anything but hold him tight and try and calm him down again. 

He smiles as Changkyun goes slack in his arms, his head aches with knowledge and pain. 

"Sweet dreams," Kihyun whispers as Changkyun tightens his hold on Kihyun. 

It's no surprise that Hoseok lets them have a lie in the next day.


End file.
